Chapter Three:  The Premyslids Come to a Tragic End.  Eventually.

The oppression under Friedrich Barbarossa came to an end in the final years of the 12th century under King Premysl I.  You may at this point justifiably say to yourself, “Wait, how can this be the first Premysl?  Haven’t there been a ton in Czech history so far?  How do they expect subsequent generations to keep them straight if they all call themselves Premysl and then somebody goes and calls himself Premysl the FIRST, as if the naming of kings had just rolled over like an odometer?”  Trust us, we feel your pain.  The reason, so far as we can tell, that Premysl I was called Premysl I is that even though there were others who called themselves Premyslids, he was the first KING to be named that.

At any rate, in 1212 good things happened for KING Premysl I.  In that year, Holy Roman Emperor Frederic II granted him a charter that said only kings elected and approved by the Bohemian people could be recognized as sovereigns by the Emperor.  This frustrated the Germans, who had been trying to control Bohemia for years.

As is the lot of all kings and all people, Premysl I died eventually.  His son Wenceslas I acceded to the throne (Wenceslas I was called Wenceslas I for the same reason that Premysl I was called Premysl I, because we all know that there was at least one other Wenceslas, if not several other Wenceslasi, before).  Wenceslas’s sister, Agnes, had a thing for guys named Henry, at first marrying the Emperor’s son Henry and then Henry III of England.  I would at first assume that this was a mistake, that they are both probably the same person, but my sources tell me that they were different Henrys.  In the end, though, she got all Henried out and decided to espouse the ideals of St. Francis of Assisi.  She founded a convent in Prague, corresponded with Francis’s friend Clare, and founded the Order of the Cross and the Red Star, a group of knights dedicated to helping the poor and destitute.  You can still see her convent in the center of Prague, though now it is used as an art museum.

During Wenceslas’s reign, there was some land reform.  Wenceslas and the rest of the nobility wanted there to be villages springing up everywhere, and so they gave the serfs more rights.  They were still tied to the land, sure, and they still worked for the landowners, sure, but they were no longer decapitated for looking at a nobleman the wrong way.  There was progress going on all over the place in those days. 

The peaceful, melodious grinding of peasants into the turf was interrupted in 1241 when the Tartarts arrived in Central Europe.  They had swept through Russia, conquered Poland, defeated the king of Hungary, and headed toward Bohemia.  The rest of Europe was wringing its hands, but the Tartars were turned back by the plucky Czechs.  For this reason, Bohemia was called “The Shield of Europe.”  It was both a military triumph and a public relations triumph, because the Tartars did not retreat East and South for just that reason.  The Tartars in fact left for the following reasons:

1.  Fatigue
2.  They missed their sauce, and wanted to go back to where they made it RIGHT.
3.  Bad directions
4.  Bohemian fortitude
5.  Their horses were rentals, and were overdue back at the Tartar Trader

After Wenceslas I came Premysl Otakar II.  He did all kinds of important things, like wage war with everyone (King Bela of Hungary, the Germans. . . everybody).  He made people sit up and notice the Czechs, but he met a tragic end at the Battle of Marchfeld in 1278.  Now he is buried in the Prague Castle, and you can go to a pub named after him at the Ujezd tram stop in the Little Quarter.

Then came Wenceslas II, who got sick and died so quickly that he didn’t have any opportunities to wage war with anybody.  He was followed by Wenceslas III, who was killed in Olomouc by an unknown assassin, who dropped a horse on him from the Moravian Horse Depository.  After his death, you would think that the Premyslids would get smart and stop naming their children Wenceslas when they met with such tragic ends... but the problem was that there was nobody left.  And so the Premyslid dynasty ended.

Fortunately, there were more than enough people willing to take on the tedious duties of ruling.